WHEN PLAYERS ARE COACHABLE 

While in high school I had an opportunity to take a personality exam geared toward assessing the mental strengths and weaknesses of athletes. Since I was an intense competitor who thrived on challenges, I was confident that my test results would validate my then inflated self-perception with a superb psychological profile.  While I did score quite high in a dimension that measured drive and determination, I was in for a few surprises.  Several marks—and one in particular that dealt with “coach-ability”—were very poor.  “This athlete tends to be stubborn, and generally does not receive coaching and correction well,” read the report, which gave me a score of fifteen percent for this trait.  Viewing myself as someone who would do almost anything imaginable to obtain success, the notion that I lacked a coachable attitude was an affront to my self-concept.  I even doubted the accuracy of the appraisal . . .  because I wasn’t coachable!

 It was many years later before I began to seriously consider the implications of this valuable critique and to appreciate the fact that, although I wasn’t listening at the time, the Lord was nonetheless speaking to me, even then, about some issues in my life that did not reflect His character.  One of these things involved a strong tendency to assume that my opinions were right and that those of others—even some others with extensively more life experience, knowledge, training, and history of success than I—were to be held at a distance if they conflicted with my own.  This attitude short-circuited my ability to receive even helpful tips and instructions, much less life, from others.  Effectively, God’s grace toward me was being restricted through my pride.

To some degree, the nature of my condition was, and is, a culturally pandemic phenomenon.  The rugged individualism that has generally come to characterize America thrives while people boldly attest that, as the classic song goes, “I did it my way.”  To acknowledge that I need or could even be benefited by the help of another is suggestive of weakness.  Much better to blaze my own trail than to ask a local for directions, or, so the premise goes, anyway.  Headstrong independence has led to a disregard for the success and accomplishments of those who have gone before.  Because their wisdom, much of which has been gained through their own personal failures and hardships, is lightly esteemed, countless occasions for potential growth have been thoughtlessly dismissed without so much as a casual consideration.

The veneration of elders—a virtue that is deeply engrained in some cultures, is virtually non-existent in our own.  The same could be said regarding a basic respect for leaders and those in positions of authority.  The common practice of denigrating them did not originate with the late night comedians.  It has, unfortunately, become part of the collective psyche, and the stand-up jokesters only mimic what they hear in the streets.

 All of this has led to a blunting of the capacity of many to receive mentorship from those who have been prepared by God for exactly that purpose.  A number of spiritual generals stand semi-idle, remaining at full attention in battle dress, yet not released of the Lord to lead the troops forward into combat.  One cannot lead when and where others are not following.  (This condition is not necessarily a poor reflection on the leader.)   This does not describe the sum total of the problem, but can it be any wonder why the army of God lacks overall discipline and focused direction?

 The sports world shows some hints of beginning to catch on to a truth that has been largely obscured from the church:  A squad of the most ultra-gifted prima donnas can be a poor match for a band of disciplined, but less talented, over-achievers who perform in symphony under the direction of wise, effective leadership.  Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots are a classical case in point.  They are far from the most talented team in football.  Nonetheless, they remain perennial contenders who have won more Super Bowls than any other team this millennium.  For them, the team is consistently much better than the sum of its individual parts.

The failure to recognize spiritual fathers, and subsequently attach the appropriate value and respect to them, is by no means merely a Western shortcoming.  It remains, nonetheless, a crucial concern in our nation. One great difficulty involves the multiple factors that must converge before spiritual fathering can take place.  At least three components are essential. If any of these three ingredients are lacking, this intensive coaching dynamic will never occur:

 1.  Spiritual Fathers Possessing the Capability and Willingness to Lead

 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you (Phil 4:9, NKJV).

 For though you might have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet you do not have many fathers; for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel.  Therefore I urge you, imitate me (1 Cor. 4:15, 16, NKJV).

 Paul was obviously not shy about exhorting the saints to follow his godly example.  He was confident that he lived a life exemplary of the character of Christ, and that those who chose to walk in his footsteps would reap the peace and presence of God as a result.  He had both the capacity and the willingness to lead others in this fashion.  Though he was not always received as such, he was quintessential as a father of the faith.

 2.  Discernment in God’s People

 Before a father can function in his role he must first be received.  Yet, in order for God’s people to receive him, they must be able to clearly discern two things.  First, they have to possess sufficient insight and humility to realize their own need.   Those who suppose themselves to be spiritually rich, full, and in need of nothing are not yet candidates for an intensive relationship that will challenge and provoke them to deep self-examination and subsequent transformation by the grace of God.

 Second, those who are hungering and thirsting for more of the Lord desperately need His assistance in making healthy discriminations regarding those with whom they are involved.  I recall a pivotal moment when I saw my need for one who would stand as a spiritual father in my life.  (Incidentally, this realization came following and in spite of a previous abusive relationship with a pseudo-spiritual father.  See my book, Don’t Drink the Grape Punch, for more on this.)  Having recently entered into a time of increased spiritual responsibility for the lives of others, I was at a critical fork in the road where I was considering appealing to either of two individuals to take on a mentoring role in my life.  One of these two seemed more consistent with my own soulish make-up, and I had definitely spent more time relating with him.  My assumption was that he was the best choice, but when I inquired of the Lord, to my surprise, God directed me to the other man.  Subsequent experiences have shown me that had I leaned on my own understanding in making this important determination my life would have been substantially altered.  I believe that some of the most essential and fundamental in-workings that He has been building in me throughout the past decade would have been derailed.  Perhaps most importantly, I would have also missed out on connecting with a man who has consistently reflected the heart of the Father as much or more than any whom I have ever met. 

 A coaching role of this dimension is not to be entered into lightly, either by those who are mentored or by mentors.  As in a marriage the potential exists for tremendous growth, or, conversely, great damage—depending on whether or not God puts together such a relationship. The great degree of trust and vulnerability associated with such an association makes this so. Getting direction from Father regarding those who manifest His heart is indispensable in making wise choices with respect to those with whom we commit ourselves most intimately.         

 3.  A Willingness in God’s People to Receive Fathering

 While recognizing one’s need for and the availability of one whom God has raised up for spiritual fatherhood (or motherhood) are vital steps, they remain insufficient unless and until one is committed to embracing the mentorship process.  Revelation without a willingness to follow through leaves one no better off than if he was ignorant.  In fact, this attitude actually leaves one much worse, because mere mental assent is the starting point for self-deception.  This is not to say that all individuals necessarily have a present need for spiritual fathering, at least in the rigorous sense that I have outlined.  Still, for many, this is the very means that the Lord has provided for effective discipleship.

 While at a conference recently I was asked a thoughtful question by another who was in attendance.  I had remarked that the “Pastor Appreciation days” and religious titles are inadequate and hollow expressions of respect for those who have faithfully served the body of Christ over the years.  “How then can we best honor spiritual fathers?” the young man inquired.  Upon pondering, I remarked, “By drinking deeply of their cups.”

 For I rejoiced greatly when brethren came and testified of the truth that is in you, just as you walk in the truth.  I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth (3 Jn. 3, 4, NKJV).

 By and far the greatest compliment that I can pay to one who has been my spiritual father is to emulate Christ in him.  Ask any true father and he would certainly say that this is true.  Tokens of affection and honor only carry value to the extent that they flow from the heart.   

 The divide between those who have ears to hear and those who do not is widening.  Personally, on the one hand, I am presently watching a close friend, who nearly pined away through a protracted season of sowing in tears, come into a glorious time of harvest, where he is reaping with joy on multiple fronts.  I am both honored and humbled to have had the privilege of playing a significant role in his life through these times of pressure and subsequent change. I vicariously embrace with him each blessing and answer to prayer, even as I wept with him in days past.  At the same time, I am observing a wide swath of devastation continue to sweep through the lives of many others locally, men and women who have long refused counsel from seasoned men of God.  Such counsel, if welcomed and heeded, would have most certainly averted their present tide of spiritual destruction and suffering, which seems to languish onward with the angst and pathos of a soap opera.  I have no reason to think that these personal experiences that I contrasted here are unique.  Rather, I would suppose that countless others could closely identify and share similar testimonials.

 Returning to the sports parallel, the top athletes in the world are keenly aware that a knowledgeable and astute personal trainer is worth his weight in gold.  For the best to get better they usually need the assistance of one (or more) with the uncanny gift for being able to draw deeply out of the well-spring of presently untapped ability that resides within.  In the same way, for one’s spiritual potential to be actualized he oftentimes needs a spiritual father to call forth the destiny that exists merely in seed form.  When an individual receives a father in this way, his life is forever changed.  When an entire team catches this vision and is coachable to this degree, they win a world championship.  May this Lord’s army mobilize under the generals that He has prepared and bring home the trophy that He so deserves.